i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
