I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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