There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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