I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Panties = found
Randomize
