when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
