So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's blow job season.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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