I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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No...this little piggys going to the bar
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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