I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
