took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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