"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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