New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
