Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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