Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
