I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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