six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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