loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
