Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
