You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
