Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
