I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
