I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
