sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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