The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
