Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
