he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
