get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
