Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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