i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
