For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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