i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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