My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
