Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
