The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
They took my balls.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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