i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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