Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Drake has all the answers
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
