This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
