so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
