Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
