yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Green mimosas i think yes
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
