I wish I could teleport
I've blown a few things in my day
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
