Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
