wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
