You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
