did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
