The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
