i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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