We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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