note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
