what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
