and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize