my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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