Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
