you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
