Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
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I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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