The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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