So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
