He kissed a someone with a penis
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
