I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
