Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
