Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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