Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So gin and wine won't be happening again
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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