the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
