i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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