the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
