Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
