I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
