a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
