I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
