Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
