you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
