At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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