still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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