Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
