Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
