So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
