If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
