Girls should come with a carfax report
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
