Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
