I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
