Don't you send me to vm
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
