Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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