How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
