I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
