Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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