The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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