Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
