I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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