I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
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