he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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