If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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