He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Even my vagina gasped.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
