if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
