Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
