Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
ttyl tear gas
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
