I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
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I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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