Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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