there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
