He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you had me at cake vodka
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
