3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
